Longing

I Miss... The first time she smiled at me, I knew that she was the one. The first girl I would ever truly love. Not for a second did I hesitate or doubt myself. I looked into her soft brown eyes and something inside of me gasped in awe, lost in a sense of need and want.

Logically you know that things like this are fake in a sense. Chemicals and hormones coursing through your body, dictating the pace of your life. But in that singular moment you are beyond that, in sense you feel beyond the world. It's a feeling you don't forget no matter how much time goes by, the feeling just becomes a part of you.

And so despite the dulling power of time I remember her. I remember the first time I gazed upon the woman that eventually become my first, and in many ways only, love. The memories stay with me, etched in me like scars upon my heart and soul. How can I forget the first time I asked her out? How can I forget the gentle yet firm way she said no, or forget how I knew I would keep trying. How can I forget the way she smiled when she saw me? How can I forget the smooth feeling of her lips upon mine?

I can't forget. And I never will. Nor do I want to.

I miss the way she said my name. I miss the way she said "I love you." I miss her laugh. I miss her smell. I miss her embrace. I miss her spirit. I miss her fire. I miss her kindness. I miss her strength. I miss her wisdom. I miss her brilliance.

I miss her. I miss us.

But above all I miss the peace I had before I understood what it meant to lose a love.